Am I that Weak?

As I woke up today, I felt like a total loser. I cried as if a young kid has lost his/her smelly bolster or their favourite toy. I couldnt control my emotional. This is even worst than the breakup.

Many have told me to give up and dun even try to think about what had happen. But I doubt I could be that strong. There are like thousand and one questions in my head but there wasnt even 1 answers to any of the question. Why is loving someone and giving them everything wholeheartedly MEANS nothing? I didnt believe that that was the treatment I'm gonna received. All the cold messages and TAKE CARE and STUDY HARD kinda messages. Do you actually know how I felt when I READ THOSE MESSAGES! I was at Dian Xiao Er last night for dinner with my parents like FINALLY. They made a very sacastic remark saying that It was so long ago since we had a dinner with me. I smiled and then deep down in my heart.. I WASNT EVEN bothering about what they say but.. I was all thinking and staring at the seat where we sat the other time.. eating the roast duck. I ordered all the food that we used to order and when my sis commented that it was delicious.. and asked me how I got to know about these food.. I just SMILE and said.. I just love eating these when I'm here... and thats when I realise.. its always you that I'm having dian xiao er with.

I thought about all the happy moments.. how we book tickets for night movie.. the geylang trips for my fav. dim sum. The cheesecake cafe.. that we roam ard the streets in east coast to find that shop. I thought about the face u gave me for 10 mths.. the face that tells me u're the BESTEST baby I ever had.. and when I saw u again.. I thought I saw that familiar face.. but it ended all wrong again. Having to wake up the next morning with messages telling me you added alot of girls in facebook was like.. !!!!! I know I had no rights to comment anything.. but I just cannot believe that within a few hrs.. you just change like another person. All your words and action doesnt telly at all.

You kept telling me to live happily without the presence of you.. I WAS actually doing that.. but now I dun think I can. I'm really very tired of living sometimes. I hate being taken granted for the things that I have done. I can just do anything for you.. u should know that my love for you was genuine then why give me such unfair treatment?

WHY??? WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE SOMEONE LOVING ME JUST THE WAY I LOVED HIM. WHY I CANT JUST HAVE SOMEONE WHO DOTES ON ME JUST LIKE THE WAY I DOTE ON THEM? WHY I ALWAYS PUT MY LOVE ONE ON PIORITY BUT YET I'm ALWAYS THE LAST ON THEIR LIST? WHY AM I ALWAYS BULLIED BY YOU AND YET I STILL LOVE U SO MUCH! WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE THAT MAKE YOU FEEL THAT YOU STILL WANNA HAVE FUN AND CANT COMMIT! WHY IS IT WRONG TO LOVE SOMEONE SO MUCH! JUST WHY!!!

When can I actually get a guy who loves me just the same as I do!! -DEAD-